Living in Cloud Cuckoo Land - What Next?

Following the announcement of the Referendum result, the triumvirate of Johnston, Gove and Farage, aka the Divine Leaders, announced that a dictatorship style of democracy will operate from midnight on 25th June.

The BBC will run constant feeds of pictures showing hundreds of refugees fleeing south from Calais. Migrants on the Mediterranean coast will be filmed hiring boats to rush back to Africa as evidence of the Divine Leaders’ determination to stop all migration.

Lying journalists will be publicly flogged if they refer to an internal Conservative feud that was papered over once the result was announced and all party members agreed to live as one.

New information, just discovered, shows how a slip of the tongue took place and that in fact normal people will not be killed in their beds by millions of Turkish immigrants. Starvation will be a greater danger as more and more food banks close down due to shortage of supplies.

The £350 million a week promised to the NHS will be on hold while the Divine Leaders try to sell it to the Yanks so as to avoid squandering all that dosh on sick ordinary people.

Scotland and N Ireland will be punished for voting Remain. The Sturgeon person will be arrested should she set foot in England and paraded before the cameras in a plain black frock and flat shoes. Any move by Sinn Fein to vote for a united Ireland will be met with decisive action. Brigadier Piggy Ponsonby-Poobum said he looked forward to taking on the IRA. ‘We’ve been there before with this lot,’ he salivated. ‘This time we have Divine Leaders in charge who will not hesitate to use our nuclear weapons and teach the Paddies a lesson’.

Liberal thinking will be forbidden in schools, churches, Waetherspoons pubs, chip shops, hot dog vans or in bus queues. Civil disobedience will be brutally dealt with as per usual.

English emigrants living in Spain are advised to head for the hills before they are deported back to a blighted country where there are few jobs, no NHS because staff have all gone back to where they came from, where ‘Cobbled together by Syd and Vera’ has replaced ‘Vorsprung Durch Technik'.

Anyone found crying at the thought of their country in the hands of unrestrained despots, racists and get-rich-quick cowboys will be forced to listen to an hour long recording of Gove listing all the boring aspects of his character .

The winners

DTrump sent Johnston one of his old hats saying ‘Accept this hat designed by me, the saviour of our Make United State Great Again. Wearing it is the only way I keep my hair under control on windy days. Keep it. I don’t want it after a hateful Mexican, Muslim, black, female type person spat on it for no reason when I called her the hateful, stinking foreign, immigrant, lesbian, vindictive, dirty journalist bitch with heavy periods that she clearly was.’ (Cue crooked smile and innocent shrug in attempt to look endearing and to cover stupidity of remarks.)

Gove, secure in the knowledge that he will not have to crew full time on a deep sea trawler sailing out of Aberdeen, will devote his time to writing his true and accurate history of the internecine Wars of the Roses Tories Referendum of 2016.

Farage has withdrawn his application for a full visa to emigrate to the USA where racists and other deluded people can live openly and claim the protection of the Constitution for their vicious and depraved opinions. Following his success in singlehandedly winning the GB Referendum vote, Nige will help DTrump Make United States Great Again, free from government interference in the lives of people who want to be openly racist and who buy guns that kill loads of people quickly so that the gun owner can get back to enjoying his tea and watching the tele without having to reload so often.

Bankers and financial wizards (aka robbers) can grin smugly as they shift their headquarters to mainland Europe secure in the knowledge that they can leave their dosh in the new European ultra secret offshore tax haven, aka Canary Wharf, London.

Sir PGreen welcomed the location of this new tax haven. Due to the deepening of the sea-going channel in the River Thames, he can sail his new yacht right up to the loading dock from where he can load aboard all the dosh collected from wrecked businesses and robbed pensioners.

Lady TGreen (no relation to TeresaGreen) welcomes this move saying, ‘the money is not really ours, but who cares. That old pirate will sail the loot all the way to Monaco. The sea voyage will help his poor health and anyway he could not fit all the cash in the new plane. The stupid bastard bought one that is too small for moving all our loot in one go. My father always said he was a useless tosser and couldn’t see why I married him. I know now what my father meant’.

The losers

During the morning of 24th June, 48% of the population sank into a deep pool of despair and locked themselves in darkened rooms to wait for the other 52% to wake up and realise the terrible mistake they had made.

June 23rd will go down as the darkest day since Dunkirk and will hereafter be known as Indeepshit Day and celebrated as a Bank Holiday Friday.