What strikes five out of six new teachers at the half term break?

The first half term break is like an oasis. By sheer luck you did not bring home any marking. You have slept over eighteen hours on three occasions so far this week.

You heard those stories of new teachers walking out after two days. It didn’t happen in your school, although you did not see that new RE teacher after the first week. Someone said he had started a healing prayer group for degenerates and was too busy to come to the staffroom.

You are convinced everyone is winding you up just because you are new and not because of any incompetence on your part.

The mistake of teaching the wrong class in your first week could have happened to anyone.

Teacher training courses should have taught you a high level of repartee and put-down banter to deal with the gobby kid who surfaces in every class. It didn't help when your head of department told you these mouthy kids are learning to build anti-bullying defences and will become famous comedians when they leave school.

The office staff are the only people who seem genuinely helpful. The dinner lady serving puddings always gives extra helpings when you smile at her. Maybe she thinks you look underfed or she likes those odd people who smile at her.

Your two-day hangover last weekend was probably down to the fact you hadn't been for a drink since September and the blowout on Friday night was a little unrestrained. Maybe a regular beer-drinking programme should be pursued in future as a way of keeping in touch with real people.

According to some pseudo-scientific research it takes 10,000 hours of practice to become skilled in any activity. The 2 i/c in your department keeps reminding you of this. He is hardly the one to give advice on anything. The way he goes on he must be only up around the 200 hours mark.

You still can't figure out how the head of English standing just inside the playground to take over duty after you quietens all the kids without him saying a word, lifting a hand, or running frantically around as you were doing before he arrived. His appearance starts a Mexican wave of calmness across the heaving mass of adolescents.

You asked him how he does it. He said, when you've been teaching as long as I have been teaching you will know how to do it and you will do it well, if you last that long.

You made it this far and you intend to go back after the half term week is over.